a moment of transparency

I need to be needed. I need a purpose.

This is one of my more recent conclusions. I have, however, not yet determined if this is detrimental, purely selfish, okay or possibly even positive.

I hate this in between time. I am tired of being transitory.

In Ukraine I’m needed. In Ukraine I have purpose. HereΒ  I feel useless, out of place and constantly calculating my deficits.

It feels like I am always behind, waiting for a miracle to materialize, and forever unsure of what to do or say.

I know it is just a season. I know God has everything in control. I “know” a lot but somehow that hasn’t stopped me from melting into a puddle of tears on an almost daily basis.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”
Psalm 42:11




4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Melinda Nelson
    Oct 31, 2010 @ 10:22:44

    Hey, feel free to call me on one of those ‘puddle of tear’ days. Transition is much of my life, and I’m happy to hold your hand through some of the ‘this isn’t what I thought or dreamed it would be’ moments.
    Love and prayers.


  2. Julie Borja
    Nov 05, 2010 @ 21:36:49

    Steph, you totally captured how I’ve been feeling since I moved home for Ukraine… this time of transition has been rough. It’s so hard when I wake up and have nothing to accomplish for the day, except filling out job applications which feels like a fruitless task. I hate it, and yet somehow I can sense that God is working in the midst of it all… I just haven’t figured out what He’s doing yet.


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